A Career in the life of a Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Teacher

A podcast with narrative

I was recently interviewed for a podcast about how people find and build their careers. The slant was very much about the psychology behind our career choices, and I believe the hope was to encourage listeners to dare to be creative with career building.

Unfortunately, the podcast is not going to be launched, however the one-hour and 45-minute interview was shared with me to use as I wish. I listened back and found myself delighting in it. I do know how egotistical that sounds – listening to myself speaking for more than an hour! Let me explain…

First (trying hard not to sound egotistical), the interviewer was just lovely, asking thoughtful and intelligent questions whilst responding to my answers, consistently paying attention and empathising. She was a natural.

Second, it’s rare to listen to one’s own self conversing. I sounded like a person, rather than having my own voice echo around my head coming from that soup of mixed thoughts and emotions emanating from my mind. It is a fascinating experience to hear what I sound like when I am not generating the sounds and ideas – to receive myself whilst not simultaneously projecting myself – it gave me perspective.

Third, that perspective allowed me to see how neat and tidy my career had become – like a jigsaw puzzle that is largely complete – where you can see the main picture. It’s now possible to see where the few scattered pieces lying around the edges are going to fit.

It's here to listen to – if you are interested – however, for those that wish to listen to snippets… here are some pointers to what I speak about in each section.

For the first 31 minutes I talk of school and university and the struggles with feeling different as a sensitive and shy girl. I am minded of Werner Erhard’s words “I used to be different. Now I’m the same.” I see now that I have learnt to accept and work with my sensitivity and introversion, so whilst I haven’t changed, I am more fully functioning as my authentic self.

I talk of how I learnt who I was and what was my place in the world. OF – if you are reading – all those walks around and around the school … basically psychoanalysing ourselves and each other. Listening back, I can see how the seeds of my present were planted. I talk of wanting to be a teacher ‘when I grow up’, I talk of loving stories and drama, I talk of strong relationships. Uni friends – you will recognise the joy of us finding each other. I talk of how I managed to follow passions and desires and forge the foundations of a career that suited me.

Dear Cuz – you will hear me speaking with love about my parents. And hear that phrase “I did a really good job at bringing myself up”. I also still think that I sound like you – we are definitely related! I talk of parents and parenting from 31 minutes in, and B – you will hear your influence. I say that I have learned to accept the child that I have, rather than the child I think I ought to have.

I talk about my fear of “Swapping my days for money” (quoting Martin Amis, from his novel Money). And how being able to meet myself, look within, accept and listen to my interests and excitements allowed me to follow them.

40 minutes in I talk about how I discover what makes me feel alive. Drama! I try for drama school but actually end up sailing the seas on a cargo ship, and then a research vessel, ending up treasure hunting in the Caribbean. I guess I found different ways of feeling alive. It wasn’t Emily Bronte I was reading, but Charlotte – ‘Villette’ – catching snippets of sentences whilst also being on watch on the deck making sure that the wind didn’t change, blowing the ship onto the coral reef. Talk about being ‘out there in the arena’ (thanks, Brenee Brown) … I travelled the waves of opportunity for the sake of adventure born of a yearning for experience. At this point things look messy – life is messy – and it would have been hard to see how any pieces of the jigsaw make a picture.

Here I am on a research vessel in the Adriatic. 1989

50 minutes in we talk of how the next stage took me away from adventuring on the seas, turning towards home and a more settled career. I realised that my experience and qualifications led me towards teaching. I discuss my complex relationship with teaching. The joys, the sense of feeling alive, the sense of flow … and the exhaustion and the feeling squeezed like a lemon. B – I use your words again – I will never forget how you once said that you like teaching and students but don’t like schools.

One hour three minutes in is when I talk of the beginning of my counselling training. I talk of my problematic acceptance of the phrase “I want to help people” (OF, you might recognise this). I dig deeper into this phrase to reflect on the relational joys of counselling and advise on the experience of what counselling training is really like. I talk of the real struggles in finding work, and the devastation of rejection.

One hour 24 minutes in focusses more on some of the discomfort of being out in that arena. It was so interesting to hear myself talk of the dichotomy between the fear of not fulfilling my potential and the pull of comfort. Especially now, when I feel that I can finally start daring to embrace comfort as opposed to stretching my learning edges.

Since recording this interview in March, I have handed in my notice for the lecturing job (I will continue in private practice). I look back and I am so pleased that I said yes to all the challenges that have come my way. And now it feels safe enough to start saying no. I’ve lived a full life, and sense that it’s time to sit a bit more still. There might be adventures in introspection, reading, writing and assimilating all my learning and sense-making as I draw on life’s experiences and the richness of the soil that I grew from. I think that the next stage might be to allow the soil to lie fallow, to let it rest, not to over-produce, to restore itself, allowing for the richness to be naturally cared for. I end the interview talking of self-care.

I also end by saying “I want to feel connected to myself, I want to reach my potential, I want to do what I love the most, I want to feel of service, I want to feel well used, I want to offer the best of me. If I can do what I do well, that’s a lovely feeling. I like that feeling. To do something authentically well is a joy. I no longer need to prove myself to the world, so my adventures may well be more introspective.”

I couldn’t do this without being self-aware. How can you follow your heart if you don’t know what is in it? So, I really end the interview with the essential element that has allowed the jigsaw to form into a cohesive picture – self-awareness.